In the last couple of weeks, I've been looking at my journal from my trip to the middle east in 1999. It plays an interesting role in my life. Without it, I remember the trip only in broad strokes, I have no real recollection of lots of little details that happened, who I saw, what I ate, where I went, what I felt. Even what I felt at various times didn't strike me enough to leave a lasting impression. But when I read the journal, I remember all of these little things, it all comes back to me, and I'm surprised at how much I can remember.

I wish, now, that I'd kept a journal of my life so far. I couldn't do it of course, my trip was an exception where lots of rules of living were broken, and if I try to keep a journal of everyday life here it doesn't work, I'll quit after a couple of weeks at most. Nothing exceptional happens and after a while I stop writing what I had for breakfast. But, I wish it wasn't that way... sometimes I look back at the past and wonder what I was like when I was, say, 5 years younger. My impressions of myself are filtered through the years of growth and experience I've been through. Any events I remember are tilted towards what I'd like to think happened, if I remember any details at all. The farther I get from my experiences at TAMS, for example, the less I really know about who I was then, what I did, what I believed, or what people thought of me then, as opposed to now.

And that's where reunions come in. I've had a couple lately. I signed up to classmates.com and I was able to contact some old friends from high school, people that most likely I've not seen since 1992 of 1993, when I was merely 14 or 15. The interesting thing about these reunions is that together we could remember some things in our joint past. We feed off each other, Sandy would remember one thing, then I'd remember the next detail of that story, etc, and together we'd recall the story piece by piece. It was truly amazing, it was a lot of fun, and I learned some things about myself and her by doing it.

This kind of thing wouldn't work with a life-long friend, that you've seen a lot over the years. Lee and I have been friends since the end of TAMS, say 5 or 6 years by now. Most of that time we've been in close contact, seeing each other every couple of days, or at this point, when I live in lubbock, seeing each other every couple weeks. Even then we talk on ICQ more or less every day, so we're kept abreast of each other. Lee could probably tell me something about myself right now, although I'm not sure anyone is really capable of hearing or understanding a testimonial about themselves at the time, but he can't really tell me about my past. Why not? Well, his opinion of my past is also colored by my present, and the years we've been through. He's seen the changes in me over the years too, and probably couldn't sort out what I was then any better than me. When you're in the presence of someone for a long time, their past selves are little more than caricatures. Again, back to the broad brush-strokes, no details.

So, on the unlikely chance that you're reading this and haven't talked to me in a long time, write me and maybe we can get together and learn something about our past. Lunch is on me.